Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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