You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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