can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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