Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
