To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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