i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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