between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
