dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
