ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
