from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
