why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
