I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
