I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
