the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
