She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
