3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
