dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
