Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
