how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
