keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
