You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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