Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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