isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize