I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
