I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
