Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We got so high we made milksteak
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
