ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize