When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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