he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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