Buhtt sex?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
