Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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