Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
