you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
