2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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