U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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