My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
