I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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