oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
