Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize