I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
