My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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