My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
