32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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