i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
