a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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