I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
