That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
