If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
