the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
