so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
