Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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