my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
