Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
