she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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