Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
