I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
