I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
