I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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