he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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