sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
