Don't you send me to vm
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
