so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
