Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
