we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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