You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
