just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
