my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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