she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
