If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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